


Nobody is home.

by lia_bezdomny



Category: Outlast (Video Games), The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Institutions, Spoilers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lia_bezdomny/pseuds/lia_bezdomny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard and Vince finally make it to America but instead of fame they find unspeakable horrors.</p><p>This will not be continued. Sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody is home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Mighty Boosh/Outlast crossover. This will get dark, so be warned. This is also my first violent story, so comments and criticism are welcome. And like I said before, English is not my first language. Enjoy it... No, that doesn't sound right.
> 
> "Walking out on another stage, another town, another place.  
> Sometimes I don't feel right, nerves wound up too damn tight."

“Where are we Howard?“ “You are holding the map Vince, you should know!“ “As if I could read a map... Don’t you remember the incident with the raspberry bootlace?” Howard sighed and took the map out of Vince’s hand. “Says here we are going straight to Denver, Colorado. Which is weird, because we wanted to go to New York City.” “So?” “You do realise that New York and Colorado are two different states?” “Well, then we just turn around and ask someone for directions.” “We are in a forest, whom shall we ask the rabbits?” “No,” he said, thinking about his latest encounter with one of them. “I’m not in the mood to play “Pelt the rabbit”. There is a squirrel on that tree, I’m gonna ask it.” “Fine, but don’t bore it with your Gary Numan anecdotes.” “Yeah, whatever.” Vince got out of the car and approached the animal. When he came back he had a sour look on his face. “Didn’t know much about the towns around here, but there is a hospital down this road. Maybe we could find a phone there. Or someone who isn’t a dick about the greatest musician of all time.” “The squirrel had opinions on music?” “Strong ones also. It was very rude.” “Okay, let’s drive up there.” 

The place was desolated. “Looks pretty grim.” Howard commented. “Are you sure this is the hospital?” “Yeah, the squirrel said “Mount Massive”. That’s also what it says on the plaque over there.” “Mount Massive Asylum?! This is a mental institution!” “Let’s go and have a look.” “Are you out of your mind?!” “Why do you always have to be so scared of everything? What’s the worst that could happen?” “That they lock us up?” “For what, dressing like a Geography teacher?” “I was referring to your choice of clothing…” “How dare you? This is a handmade copy of Nathan Rousseau’s famous Electric Ballroom outfit. It took me ages!” “It’s just another mirror ball suit with velvet sequins.” “Just another… Why Am I talking style with you?” “I’m sorry Vince.” His friend intervened. “You look amazing. As always. Can we go back down the road now and forget about this place?” Vince gave him one of his brilliant smiles. “Alright. Uhm, Howard?” “Yes?” “What does that blinky thing on the dashboard mean?” “Blinky thing? Oh no, we are out of gas.” “Is that bad?” “Yes, it means, that we can’t drive away. I guess we have to phone for a taxi. Up there.” 

The gates were wide open, and the little attendant’s hut door unlocked. “That’s weird. No one is here. Oh look, a camera. Sweet, with night time vision.” Vince zoomed in and out, encouraging Howard to smile for the camera. “Phone is not working.” “So let’s go inside then.” “No, Vince. Please I have seen far too many horror films. Asylums are bad, let alone if they look like this.” “These are just movies. Not real. Come on, I protect you. Besides, it’s not like we have an alternative.” “I have a bad feeling about this…” 

“What are those army trucks doing in front of the building?” Howard tensed. “That’s a good thing, innit?” “Huh?” “Army means safety and possibly a ride out of here.” “Or a bunch of psychos running around, holding the place hostage.” “You can’t hold a place hostage, you berk. Only people.” “That was not the point I’m trying to make! Don’t…” But he was too late, Vince already rung the doorbell but there was no sound heard. “Door’s locked too. Let’s go around the back.” “Vince don’t…” He already made his way over to a scaffold. “Help me get up there, is see an open window.” “I’m not climbing onto that thing.” “Yeah, yeah. Come on!” Howard gave him a boost. “Now it’s your turn.” “Did you hear what I said?” “Of course, you were complaining again. Now get up here.” After he was also on the scaffold Howard pressed his body to the wall. He was scared of heights. Vince just stood there, watching him for a bit until he held out his had and guided him to the window. “No one’s in here.” “You don’t need to sound so relieved about that.” “No people means no psychos.” “What if the house itself is possessed?” Vince teased. “That’s enough.” “But is it really enough?” He swatted Vince lightly across the back of the head. “Stop it. There is light coming from over there.” “Okay.” Vince just walked up to the door and flung it open before Howard could stop him. 

“Nope, still nothing. Let’s go down that hallway.” Like the room they just left, the hallway was also desolated. "They should really fire the custodial staff. Look at this place! They didn't even clean up that spilled red paint." Howard stared at him. “I don't think that is paint. That is blood." “What? Don't be stupid.” “Just take a look.” Howard pointed at the floor and Vince inspected the puddle. “Oh.” He had gone very pale. “Come on, we go back out of the window. Whatever happened here was recently. The blood is fresh.” A noise made Vince turn his head. “What was that?” “Vince, let’s go!” “I heard someone. Like a painful whimper.” “Vince!” “No, we gotta help.” “No.” Howard grabbed Vince’s arm, but he was faster and made his way to a door across the hallway. 

“Vince!” Howard followed him, carefully and slowly. “In here.” He pried the door open. The smell of blood was overwhelming and both covered there noses. “I can’t see a thing!” “I got it. Take my hand and follow me.” Vince produced the camera from his bag and switched to night vision. “Well?” “There is some kind of fucked up statue, like in that movie “Cannibal Circus”.” “Holocaust.” “Yeah, just over…” The “statue” came to live with an agonising scream. Howard and Vince jumped back in shock. It was a man, an army guy, Vince could tell by his clothes, impaled on a rod. 

“They, they got us… Those freaks, they got out… They’re called Variants. You can’t fight them! You must hide! You can unlock the doors from the security terminal… You have to get the fuck out of here!” The man dropped something on the floor. It was another camera, that Vice promptly handed to his friend. 

“Oh my God…” Howard moved his hand to his mouth and gagged. “We… We gotta help him…” Vince said but it was nothing more than a whisper. “Too late for that. He’s gone, Vince.” He didn’t react, still staring at the awful scene. “Vince, come on.” Howard shook him. “Vince, we have to go.” Still no reaction so Howard just took his hand. They left the room and walked up a corridor. “There is the exit. We gotta get down there.” “Little pigs!” A massive man with terrible scars on his face appeared in front of them. He grabbed Vince and threw him down the balustrade. He heard Howard scream before he lost conscience.

**Author's Note:**

> "Hellraiser" by Ozzy Osbourne.
> 
> Outlast is a psychological horror video game developed and published by Red Barrels Games. If you are into such games, check it out, it is amazing.


End file.
